i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she told me i tasted like america
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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