So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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