Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
