Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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