Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
