i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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