ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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