Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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