Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
