we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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