I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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