I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
