dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
