i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
