i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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