I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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