Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
