bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
