My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize