Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
is that a dick in a sweater?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
