shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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