I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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