That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
