Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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