just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
