MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
