you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
