I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
