So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
