I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
