He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
