Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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