he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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