just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
