i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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