she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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