Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
