Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
