i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
