I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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