I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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