Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
