She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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