haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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