I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
