whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
