no, he came in my armpit
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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