i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
