So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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