Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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