So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
