i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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