Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
