Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
