Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
