I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
