yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
