I like my sex mixed with concussions.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
