at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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