Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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