Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
