Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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