I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
50% drunk capacity currently
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
