so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
