Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she told me i tasted like america
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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