nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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