Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
