I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
