a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
