Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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