KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
