Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
