you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Everclear isn't food dammit
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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