When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
