he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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