i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
