fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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