Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
