guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
