Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
