I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
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Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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