..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
soo... how was my night?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
