So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
