so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if only i could text you this smell
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
