so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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