We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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