Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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